Now it's finally sinking in....

the ideal guy

2004-10-05T16:38:00.000-07:00

it's really ironic how we girls would like to set standards on guys but in reality, when that mr. right comes into the picture it's as if there was never a qualification needed. margaux, a friend of mine has her own checklist of qualities that she is looking for in a guy. i kinda got inspired by her so i decided to make one. hehehe. actually it's really fun to do! somewhat similar to those cheesy friendster surveys

April's "The Ideal Guy Checklist"

1. must play at least ONE sport (with the exception of chess, billiards, and other sports that are not physically challenging)
2. comes from a good school (yeah fine, so what if i'm superficial??)
3. is not "barok" in english period!
4. a good conversationalist! (i don't want a boyfriend who is as dead as a corpse)
5. reads "good" books (rarely do i meet guys who read.. all they know is TV, internet, computer games)
6. shares my love for the beach
7. will put up with my occasional mood swings brought about by PMS
8. has a car! (not that i don't commute but ... never mind)
9. does not smoke (actually tis not a big deal... just as long as he doesn't puff smoke in my face)

*to be continued!

those were the days

2004-08-03T19:31:00.000-07:00

i miss the good old days..
everything was simple... it seemed like the clock stopped ticking...
but now life has become fast paced.. Stress comes in making me more melancholic.

used to be, i was this gawky teenager who wanted to get out of the confines of high school and embrace the freedom that college had to offer... there is a realization that too much of something is not good...yeah... same with freedom.. it's not really enjoyable... i miss high school.. there might be tons of rules that we usually don't obey but then it doesn't really matter... i also miss my high school friends.. some of them i haven't seen since graduation...

old friends can really brighten up one's day.. that happened to me a few hours ago... elle, a friend i've met through a conference went to our school to do some research.. even though i spent less than an hour wid her, it was stress a stress reliever..

haven't been blogging for quite some time due to my hectic schedule and i had just recovered from flu.. feels great to just post somethin'

got a marketing exam.. even though i've studied, i'm not so confident.. i hope i'll ace this one (keeping my fingers crossed)

which mythological creature are you?

2004-07-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

Mermaid:
Mermaids, similar to Centaurs, have a torso of a
human and the body of a fish. You are curious
yet reserved in your actions. You like to have
fun but never at the expense of others and you
never roughouse. You love water and the
creature in it and feel it is your job to make
sure they stay safe.

What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

out of the blue ranting

2004-07-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

i just realized that when you expect people to be there for you, they're not really there... maybe they're too busy to even care about you... but why do they keep on telling you that, especially your friends? those one liners "i'm always here for you" or "i got your back" seem to have no effect on me anymore.. for me it's like "yeah, whatever"... cynical as it might sound, i don't trust the people around me anymore, worst, even my closest friends.. maybe because i had friends who left me (literally)... i won't mention names anymore but i they know who they are... but i am still glad that in the end, my family will be there for me... i guess it's just my family and God who will always be there.. friends, naaahh... (maybe some but not everyone)

in aristotle's nicomachean ethics, there are kinds of friendship such as friendship of utility and friendship of pleasure... maybe these are the kinds of friendship that i have...

nothing special...

2004-07-22T21:35:00.000-07:00

the title says it all. nothing really extraordinary happened 2day for me but for my friend annabelle something did (hahaha we got indtroduced to her long time crush care of our teacher in business comm).. and i am just happy for her! after the finance fiasco incident, we finally got our results and as expected, i didn't even make the 74% cut off being short of 60 points. but boy am i glad that i still have 80% to go... the exam is just freaking 20% of the whole grading system... it was a very unproductive day too... we went to NEDA, which happens to be a next door neighbor of my university to do some research for our industry analysis in marketing... but it was a waste going there since they did not have any information regarding our industry (food services, specifically coffee shop).. we'll try our luck tomorrow at DTI and we are keeping our fingers crossed...

after discussing one problem in financed, we got dismissed early and i swear, i was really tempted to skip opman again! but because i was bugged by my conscience, i stayed in school even if it meant waiting for 4 hours to just attend a boring opman class with a teacher who doesn't even check the attendance... actually, i did something productive in that 4 hour break.. i went wid margaux in the lib to research for our damned industry analysis... it was really tiring even if i just had to search the shelf for the index collections... at least we found something in relation to our topic... we also went to the EM cup cuz pong (my blockmate) told us there were lots of food... hahah and he was right.... plus sir gilles introduced us to some EM peeps (some were even cute)... and that's when annabs got introduced to his prince charming.. harharhar....

nothing shitty really happened today... (i got over that finance exam finally!) and it's gonna be a long weekend...

nothing special...

2004-07-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

rants and raves on singlehood

2004-07-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

last friday, i got a chance to watch one of the reruns of SATC before the start of the last season in HBO.. Carrie Bradshaw was probably contemplating about being single and she had this big question: "When do you stop hoping?".... And then it hit me (thud!)... I've been single for what? 3 years and it seems that the possibility of meeting that guy is already out of the question.. has singlehood finally turned me into a pessimist queen? NOT! i try to keep in mind that being single does not make one less of a person and that it is a learning experience as you will become emotionally independent... but i cannot help but feel a pang of jealousy whenever one my friends start losing that single status and become attached... like when i go friendster hopping in my friends accounts and in the status it's either "in a relationship" or "married" (for those who are madly in love, or should i say blindly?) sometimes i feel that my "it's not my priority" line becomes a defense mechanism.... a mask that tries to conceal the real me.... i am not a hypocrite (as i've always said), i want to be with someone but that someone seems to have forgotten that the girl is waiting for him.... hey! i am not referring to anyone in particular... so my answer to Carrie's question is "never".... love is always a matter of timing.. the right time, the right place, name it... (all the rights')

shit happens

2004-07-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

it's been 3 days since we took the exam in finance and god knows why i can't still get over it. lately, i've been really down.. yesterday we had our presentation in MPO (managing people in organizations).. we prepared so much for this presentation and spent our precious 5 hours editing on a friday (instead of studying for finance).. and that's not it.. before we edited, we spent a gruesome wednesday at thet school brainstorming for the report... we had to chose the movies for the topic dr. avic had assigned... we thought that our hardwork will pay off but NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! when she read out her comments in front of the whole class it was so disappointing... there was not even a single positive word that came out of her mouth... according to her, our presentation was "disorganized" and had some scenes that were inappropriate... hell it was just scenes from blow and scarface that showed women in bathing suits.... talk about ultra conservatists.... i felt really bad with those comments.... it wasn't really encouraging.... well, can't blame her coz she has a doctorate from some university in spain but it wouldn't hurt to have a little appreciation... i guess some people are like that... yeah shit happens all the time....

risks...

2004-07-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

"You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen."

Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

of intergender friendships

2004-07-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

kara, a friend of mine sent me an e-mail last month about friendships between the opposite sex. i was able to relate so much in a sense that i have gone through that experience... maybe that's the reason why i don't believe that a guy and a girl can be best friends anymore... there's a possibility of falling in love with the other person then in turns out to be an unrequited love and of course one of them would be hurt and ask for space.. in the end, the friendship in the dumps.... and all that person can say is "sayang".. regrets, regrets, regrets...

in my case, this dude started acting weird by being more sweeter but i did not want to misinterpret it because i might just be assuming or something.. but he got weirder and weirder and so i started avoiding him... i didn't want confrontation so i just wrote him a letter.. after clearing things the truth came out.. he fell... after that we did not speak to each other for months... after his hiatus, he got himself a girlfriend which i found somewhat irritating... i was affected.. sHit!! i dnt know what's that supposed to mean....

we're not that close anymore.. we don't text, we don't talk.. it's as if i dnt know him anymore.. i'm just sad that our friendship had to end in that way... *sigh* well shit happens, ryt? people come and go and that's a fact of life...

the case of the eX

2004-07-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

funny how life has its own ways of bringing you back to the past... that dreaded past... the past you just wanna forget about... last monday, i was like the character of scrooge being haunted by the ghost of the christmas past (only it's not christmas).. of all the people that i least expected to ring the doorbell, it was my eX.. or should i say the dreaded ex?? the initial reaction was, of course, shocked... indeed, life is full of surprises... expect to be shocKed... i was also nervous... i didn't know what he had to say after three years of not being in good terms.... but it turns out that he wanted to apologize for the way that he treated me.. and he was honest in admitting that he really hurt me... hmmm it took him 3 years to realize that, huh? i think that this was the first heart to heart conversation that we had ever since we broke up... after the break up, bitterness had taken over me... i felt great explaning my side to him.. how i felt after the break-up and the ordeal that i have gone through just to move on... well, i can only say that a person can really change in 3 years... we were no longer the immature teenyboppers acting very defensive to what the other one had to say... we were listening to each other... at least the guy knows how to listen already... before, it was always about him.... what is great is that this time a friendship began to blossom... contrary to what other people say, exes can be friends.... cliche but true, time always heals wounds... God gave us the chance, but this time, to become friends....

to my ex: it was very brave of u to face me and say sorry... i admire you for that act of courage... as i have said, i've always waited for that opportunity and it was just the perfect timing... i'm always prayin' for you.. you've got a friend in me.. :)

the weekend that was

2004-07-03T19:14:00.000-07:00

i can say that yesterday was the a great saturday night... for a change i did not stay home to do some couch potato-ing. instead, i went to kate's debut, which was 70's inspired... music was great.. i never realized that all the nice songs that they keep on reviving until now were part of the 70's... we had a great time shakin' our groove thing... after the party, we all decided to go to pier one in roxas blvd but we did not stay too long there.... number one: there were so many people and we had to wait to be seated and number two: we did not want to go through the experience that we had when we went to pier one at the fort two weeks ago... emvin suggested that we all go to malate.. not wanting to go home yet, we all agreed to give it a shot... i'm not really that familiar with how the nightlife works in malate as compared to makati nightlife... so there.. in malate, we went to arkadia.. the entrance fee is not bad for a hundred bucks yet it wasn't consumable... we had to buy booze from the bar next door, which only cost P25... i didn't like the crowd in malate... many JP.. jologs people... i am so bad.... to top it all, they were so feeling.... nevertheless, we enjoyed pa rin naman each other's company... got home at 4 am a bit tipsy but fulfilled because i was able to dance.... i miss dancing na kasi.... miss those wasabi hiphop nights... daaaaaamn...

of valentine's day and roses

2004-07-02T04:19:00.000-07:00

valentine's day makes me bitter.. period.... i always thought that valentine's was just for pretty girls.... they were the ones who got the flowers and chocolates... flowers they received were plenty enough for them to open a flower shop business... what about the not-so-pretty ones like me?? i would often envy these girls hoping that i would get one of those too... but many feb 14's have passed yet i didn't receive any flowers... when i had a boyfriend, he didn't give me even just a single long stemmed rose... booohhooo.... soooo sad... but i'm not losing hope that one valentine's day, someone will give me flowers... it doesn't matter if it comes in bouquet or it's one of those beautiful arrangements in holland tulips as long as it comes from the heart... maybe the first person to give me flowers would be the last guy.... maybe yes, maybe no... let's wait and see next year...

trees

2004-07-01T17:57:00.000-07:00

heheh... here's the poem that i have loved for all of my life.... and even in the bustling metropolis you can read it.. specially those coming from the south.. (like me)
Simple, yet beautiful and immortal...

Trees by Joyce Kilmer

I THINK that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

eleven minutes

2004-07-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

another novel from the superb paulo coelho, eleven minutes... here are some quotes taken from the book

"It hurt when I lost each of the various men I fell in love with. Now, though, I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone."

"When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself."

"…really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other."
"Generally, speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally. These meetings are waiting for us, but more often than not, we avoid them happening. If we are desperate, though, if we have nothing to lose, or if we are full of enthusiasm for life, then the unknown reveals itself, and our universe changes direction."

"All my life, I thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement. Well, that’s a lie: freedom only exists when love is present. The person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly.
And the person who love wholeheartedly feels free."

lalallalalalalla so nice to not have classes today

2004-07-01T17:43:00.000-07:00

this is one of my favorite lines from the novel that tops my all time list...

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

The Alchemist

high school yearbook = nostalgia

2004-06-30T07:44:00.000-07:00

Few days ago, I was leafing through our so bulok year book…. It was dusty, as expected (not having touched it for quite some time)… I felt like the characters of Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow in Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion as the memories of high school flashed back in my mind…. Time flies really fast… I felt like it was only last year when we marched to the stage to get our high school diploma…. Back in high school, my friends and I couldn’t wait to experience the freedom that college would bring…. Pero it was only in UA&P when I realized that there was little freedom for me…. I guess this doesn’t apply to those who are studying in UP, DLSU or “the” Ateneo (still figuring why the hell “the” is attached.. ang baduy.. not that I have anything against them) Kung tatanungin ako ngayon if I want to go back to high school “Hell yes”… Hindi na ako magdadalawang isip pa….. Even if Bene kinda sucked, in terms of freedom, no match sa UA&P noh!..... I classified my high school mems into the 4 year levels… para organized (yuck sorry… here’s the OC in me again)
First Year: Wtf??! I was so “nene” back then…. I had an identity crisis during those days…. It’s so hard to fit in Bene’s melting pot of social circles…. I think I’d rather call it the Caste system…. From the popular ones all the way down to those who were from loserville….. These were the days of the Maria Clara sleeves (that’s why it was a fad to fold those annoying sleeves > but then Gudo would give demerits if he caught any of us)… Oh by the way, Gudo is our prefect.. Ang batas ng Bene High school…. Pero maiiyak ka sa sablay ng grammar… Take this as an example:
There’s three guys na nahuli niya.. improper uniform or whatever…
Gudo: You, you, the both of you.. you go to my office… (naknampooch.. nakakaBOBO)
This was the year that I had a crush sa mga kalahi ni Sandara Park… Si Jin Ryu… pang-Streetfighter yung name…. I’ve had three barkada’s in the span of ten months…. Oh.. the shoplifting incident happened also here…. Lots of cute guys from the higher batches ;) oh yeah.. who wouldn’t forget the Integration?? lupet

Second year: Nothing really exciting during this year…. By this time I have fully adjusted to the Bene High school life…. We had enemies from the higher batch… pero na-resolve naman kasama si Gudo… Umm what else?? The side stairs accident that resulted in this humongous bukol on my forehead… Had to be absent the next day have a skull x-ray… And how would you feel when you get back to school the next day and it’s your retreat and the retreat letters you receive would revolve around the topic of your “bukol”… “Sana gumaling na bukol mo” or “Hope ok ka na”….. First high school dance that we attended…. Nothing fancy about it either…. I crushed on this guy from the popular group in our batch…. Wala na akong masabi… ‘Nuff said

Third Year: Aside from first year, this is one of my colorful years in Bene…. So many happenings… I was placed in the Medical Science section…. Section 30 the best…. The people were great… Walang feeling… The retreat that pushed through despite the storm… (the storm was bad that classes were suspended for 1 week)… The song fest issue (that we were supposed to win in the eliminations)… My first shot at acting (New Yorker in Tondo)… Corregidor field trip (that bonded the section from the bus to the island itself)…. Awww and I’m missing the Blairwitch crew with Angeline as the camera girl… moving to a new barkada (the Kaduh… missin’ you guys so much!).. I also got the highest grade in Algebra in the whole batch… (in one final exam lang naman…) Joining the pep squad, which translates to practices at the Tahanan Village Clubhouse and going home late.. Hanging out at Miggy’s after the practice to buy tacos and quesadilla… Bonding with section 30 peeps pag walang extension… Still spotting for cute guys in the higher batch (it seems na hindi biniyayaan ng mga gwapo ang batch namin).. 3rd year the best…. Fun fun fun

Senior Year: I found this one to be a very bittersweet year…. There’s a good mix of bad memories as well as good ones… Didn’t know that having a boyfriend would affect my friendship with Jamie being my best friend at that time…. In our barkada sunod sunod din nagka-boyfriend yung iba.. Trials would come our way that would test the waters of friendship…. The countless open forums where tears were shed…. The divisions between the barkada…. Applying to different universities.. Cutting classes in English and not getting caught… Soccer practices.. MMGFA League during weekends, the Alaska Cup, the friggin Coach Aris Taba…. Sleepless nights memorizing terms for Human Anatomy and making those slides for Biotech... Such an ordeal gathering specimens such as the blood smear… the Peace retreat that made us all cry (even the hardest of hearts)… The very sensational cheering competition where we tied as champions with the third year… Our very first and definitely the last grad ball.. (where we glammed up and had a sleep over)… OMG.. so much mems but so little space…..
*obviously madami pa akong gustong sabihin but then I cannot put it all…. Basta all I can say that what I’ve gone through during high school made me the person that I am right now…. They might have taken me out of Bene but they cannot take out the Bene in me….. The blood runs deep in my veins… I’m still proud of my alma mater no matter what they may all think…. Ika nga “Once a Bedan, Always a Bedan”

Times when I do not hate the rainy season

2004-06-29T21:54:00.000-07:00

Remember the famous nursery rhyme that we loved to chant when we were kids, especially during rainy days?
“Rain, rain go away come again another day, little children want to play”

Until now that I’m in existence for twenty years, I have that attitude towards the rainy season. For me it is not something to look forward to…. I am an outdoor person whose activities involve one to bask in the sun…. (swimming, soccer, beach, water sports)… I hate the rain!! But there are SOME moments that I learn to appreciate this God given wonder of nature….. I sooooooo LURVE when it rains at night time… I’ll explain why?? Aside from the cold weather.. this translates to chillaxing (this is a cross between chilling out and relaxing) Cold rainy nights for me would be spend at no other place except my bedroom…. I can’t explain it but I love the feeling of snuggling under covers and hugging the pillow tightly and slowly falling into a deep slumber…. The feeling of warmth under the covers is like a feeling of peace and serenity.… Try doing it…. Rainy nights is also synonymous to playing the album of Norah Jones the goddess… Her soothing voice perfects the mood…. Add to it a good book… In my case, I choose any book from my shelf and read through a few pages until I fall asleep…. The very very best part is waking up in the morning and you are greeted by the golden rays of the sun… The rain has stopped… It has watered the plants and flowers, which return to their natural beauty…. New life begins… Hope is in the air… And I am never the same again….

the soundtrack of my life

2004-06-29T00:02:00.000-07:00

if my life were to be a soundtrack, here are the songs that would make up the playlist

You Learn by Alanis Morissette - ever since the Jagged Little Pill was released, I learned to love this song. I like the beat... Whenever I face difficulties, I sing some of the lyrics of the song.. "you breathe, you learn, you scream, you learn"

IroniC - hehehe another song my the great Alanis.... this song is a good reminder that shit happens all the time

You Gotta Be - This song had a great impact on me most especially when I was in high school... I remember when school was about to close our English teacher, Ms. Rivera, who had a nice voice sang this one for us when we requested her to do so.... This one line seems to be a wake-up call for me to make the most out of life: "Listen as your day unfolds, challenge what the future holds"

Semi-Charmed Life - sorry.. i know that this one's a really old song.. (lovin' it since i was in high school.... "i'm not listening when you say good bye"... very much like my love life.. always gettin' hurt.. ouCh

A LoVe Song for NoBody - one of those "desperada songs".. hello?? another one liner sums it all up: I'm tired of being alone.... 3 years of being single and yeah, i'm tired of being alone! (NOT).. i listen to this song at times when I feel like being a drama queen self pitying...

LiFe goes On by Leanne Rimes - self explanatory!

more songs to include as I continue this tiring yet fulfilling journey called LiFe

zaijian!

pissin' the time....

2004-06-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

13 Random Things You Like:
1. magnificent sunsets
2. a toblerone chocolate
3. born lippy by body shop
4. Manolo Blanhik shoes (even if I can't afford them)
5. I-pod (hahah i'm plannin' to buy one)
6. showbiz chismis! (local or int'l)
7. practicing my mandarin skills
8. laughing
9. the beach (need i say more?)
10. chips
11. staying in the bathroom very long
12. taking pictures
13. buying magazines!

12 Good Movies:
1. Hero
2. Not One Less (Zhang Yimou's the BomB!)
3. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
4. TroY
5. Shrek 2 (if u want a good laugh)
6. What Dreams May Come
7. Fiddler on the Roof (dnt care if it's an old movie)
8. City of Angels (soB!)
9. What Women Want (guys should watch this one!)
10. Mona Lisa Smile
11. Y tu Mama Tambien
12. Amelie

11 Good Bands / Artists:
1. Justin Timberlake
2. Sarah Mc Lachlan
3. Third Eye Blind
4. Enya
5. EBTG
6. Norah Jones
7. MYMP
8. Barbie's Cradle
9. D' Sound
10. Alanis Morissette
11. The Calling

10 Things About Me:
1. i'm an outdoor person
2. wannabe surfer and wakeboarder
3. i practically read anything i pick up (even brochures, flyers)
4. soccer babe
5. i love the beach
6. I'm a crybaby
7. dreams of studying in UPenn - Wharton
8. frustrated photographer and writer
9. feeling intellectual
10. loves life

9 Good Friends:
1. Dana
2. Kariz
3. Annabelle
4. Wo
5. JoNathan
6. KinG
7. LuAn
8. Coleen
9. JasMin

8 Favorite Food/Drinks:
1. New York Fries
2. Jamaican Patties
3. KFC Hotshots
4. Watermelon shake from Cibo
5. Ice Monster
6. San Mig strong ice(whappak)
7. Cosmopolitan
8. Tequila Rose

7 Things I Wear Daily:
1. undies
2. lippy
3. baby cologne
4. Concealer
5. Face Powder
6. earrings
7. lotion

6 Things That Annoy Me:
1. yosi
2. perverts
3. fakes
4. not getting enough sleep!
5. hell weeks in school
6. pimples!!

5 Things I Touch Everyday:
1.keyboard of my computer
2. cellphone
3. hair
4. my bag
5. my dog

4 Shows I Watch:
1. Saturday Night Live
2. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
3. Six Feet Under
4. Lizzie Mc Guire

3 Celebrities I Have A Crush On:
1. Eric Bana
2. Toby Maguire
3. Ashton Kutcher

2 People I Have Kissed:
1. the ex
2. mr. fling

1 Person I Can Spend My Whole Life With:
1. he's not a person though... He's GoD

Look to This Day

2004-06-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

this is a nice poem that we learned back in 2nd year high school... thanks to my english teacher Mr. Luke Parado wherever he is right now...

Look to this Day
by Kalidasa

Look to this day!
For it is life,
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie
All the verities and realities
Of your existence.
The bliss of growth,
The glory of action,
The splendor of beauty.

For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision.
But, today well lived
Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!

bonding with mom inside the car and talking about the future

2004-06-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, on our way home, my mom and I had our usual career talks…. This consists of what path to take after graduation and where to take my master’s degree…. My decision has been final (ever since last year) that I would not proceed to the 5th year of our university… So this means that this is my last year in that suckiest university (sorry but I don’t want to put it to shame by mentioning its name)… My mom suggested the options that I could take…. I can either study in Australia or in China (which was my idea)…. But if I study there, I won’t take my masters in the States anymore (which I keep on mentioning, has been my lifelong dream)… wahahahha it’s really hard to decide…. I really want to get to a nice university in the States, specifically in California but she doesn’t want it there… she either wants it in Chicago or in Texas…. But my heart is set on going to San Francisco State University…. (sniff sniff)…. I am officially in a crossroad right now….. I don’t even know if I’ve got a direction…. Honestly, the thought of leaving this country makes me sad… Leaving my family, friends, and YFC…. Haay… I have to adjust to a new culture pa diba? Sad but I think, everything we do entails a sacrifice…. Anyway, it’s too early to say what’s gonna happen…. I remember when we read a poem back in high school by an author named Kalidasa.. it’s entitled “Look to This Day”… I’ll post the poem when I find it over the net… It’s really simple and its message says that one must focus on the present…. Which is what I’m not doing… I keep on planning for the future…. I think that it it so wrong….

What i love about Sundays!

2004-06-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

June 27

Today is a very boring Sunday morning…. I’m supposed to go to the CFC Anniversary in QC but then my parents left already…. It’s ok though… There’s lots of advantages just staying at home on a Sunday… One of these is being able to watch those showbiz oriented talk shows…. Hahahaha call me jologs but I try to keep myself updated with those juicy gossips even if it means that I have to endure the annoying “coniotic” voice of Kris “I have to tell the world about my lovelife” Aquino…. Also there’s this new TV show that replaced the Dawson’s Creek imitation “Tabing Ilog”… none other than The Seasons of Love… I was able to watch parts of the story last week until we had to go to church… Can’t wait to see what happens later…. I am officially a TV addict…. But when you come to think of it.. TV has played a crucial role in the lives of Filipinos and other people in the world…. One of the effects of globalization.. Some people say that it has negative effects especially with children… Whatever… I grew up being glued to the tube but I’m still a normal human being….. That is… a smart 20 year old… hahahhaha yeah baby! Thank God for TV…. I’m happy that there’s ETC and Disney Channel to make up for our cable provider’s lack of those quality cable channels such as AXN, Star Movies, CinemaX, and Star Mandarin (hell I don’t know why they removed this one!!!)… I’m such a fan of those Chinese movies even though I cannot understand a single thing they say except “shenme” which means “what” in Mandarin…. Anyway, I got to get back to studying for my marketing quiz on Tuesday….

the ups and downs of being a yFc leader

2004-06-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

grabe it's friday night and i'm supposed to be hanging out at a bar or something but no.... i chose to stay home... sobrang naaaliw na ako sa blogspot.. gives me chance to express myself ala carrie bradshaw! i think this is my 3rd entry for this day.... and this time naman i'm going to talk about yfc.... lately kasi i've been experiencing the lowest points of my service... sobrang ironic nga kasi i've attended two activities that are supposed to empower leaders but then i feel the other way around.... i feel such a loser right now.. dati i thought na astig maging cluster head because syempre people would look up to you.. sa simula masaya but then later on nung nag-iba partner ko mas naging complicated... 3 weeks ago something happened that changed my outlook on service..let's just put it this way.. nagkaroon kami ng misunderstanding ng partner ko.... long story pa... when that happened i was confused... i didn't know whom to open up.... i swear, i really felt bad.. first time nangyari sa amin ng partner ko... i know na self pity na masyado but then feeling ko na everyone was taking his side even this certain tito... that time sobrang bothered na ako.... kasi if i tell it to others baka lalo pang lumaki and isipin ng partner ko na pinagkakalat ko... i chose to keep quiet about it and share it with the people whom i trust talaga...so yan... now i think na mas OK na nga lang nung chapter head ako kasi hindi ganito yung situation... but then i remember yung isang talk about service sa kasangga retreat when the speaker said that as a leader you should never expect an easy life.... hehehe words of wisdom for me... maybe i'm not that ready yet as a cluster head but i have no choice but to be strong for my cluster... kung ano man mangyari sa cluster ko.. i would be responsible for that..... i hope that this monday ok na kami ng partner ko.... i'm nervous but i'll leave that to the dude up there.... so there.....

"i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

the sound of the wav3s.....

2004-06-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

right now i'm dreaming of this one place... the closest thing to paradise.... where the sunset is awesome... the sand is as fine as a flour.. and the waters are azure... where else could it be but BoRacAy.... swear to god... i fell in love with the place..... my vacation last holy week there was not enough... I wasn't able to get enuf R&R.. rest and relaxation.... damn..... i wasn't able to bring a book during my trip.... I wasn't able to lounge by the beach hearing nothing but the sound of the waves while reading a book by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.... Hahahaha.. Feeling Virginie Ledoyen from the movie The Beach.... I really wanna go back... as in if I had the time lang talaga!! promise, next time I come back, I'll stay longer... I won't care if I go there alone... note to myself: bring a digicam, a paper where i can jot down my thoughts, and lotsa moolah for shopping and eating.... Damn, i wasn't able to try the shakes at Jonah's.. my friends say it's good while having a massage by the beach!! Kasi naman, I got sick during our entire stay in BoRa... Of all the places where I could get sick! Hahahaha.. anyways i've learned my lesson na rin... make the most out of each day! pucha, i did nothing but sleep all day and wake up at noon time!! hell i wasn't able to get a glimpse of the sunrise!!! Basta, my next Bora trip.. hehe if not Bora basta any beach.. (maybe Panglao, Bohol or Galera) will be a blast!!

*official BeaCh Bummers for LifE*

something to ponder on...

2004-06-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

One movie that really moved me was Bruce Almighty.. But why?? Most of the people would say that it is a comedy... I believe that it is more than that.... I feel that I could relate to the character of Jim Carey in terms of my spirituality.... I suggest peeps to watch this film... And when I heard one song that came from the film.. it struck me again... the title is at the bottom.... the artist is plumb.. the one who sang stranded.... they're not really famous but all I know is that they are a Christian group. so there....

God Shaped Hole

Every point of view has another angle
And every angle has its merit
But it all comes down to faith
Thats the way I see it

You can say that love is not divine and
You can say that life is not eternal
"All we have is now"
But I don't believe it

There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only he can fill

Does the world seem gray with empty longing
Wearing every shade of cynical
And do you ever feel that
There is something missing?

That's my point of view...

wala lang

2004-06-23T05:53:00.000-07:00

So earlier… I went to Makati.. to my tita’s resto so she could help me get a job… in this one subject called managing people in organizations Dr. Avic.. our professor required us to immerse in companies before she would start the lessons…. Great.. that means 3 weeks of having free cut and enduring her 3 hour class… but the bad thing is we have to make a paper that we can’t just simply use our imagination.. the lady’s really intelligent.. swear…. She got her masteral in London and her doctoral in Spain… idol!! Hahahah it has been my lifelong dream to study in the States... and I think that I’m not even that close in achieving that dream…. It’s because of money! Yeah…. Studying there is really expensive.. a semester can cost a million pesos and that excludes boarding and lodging and other fees… So it means that to study there, I need a miracle… I need a scholarship!!!! I’m not even hell of smart here but I’ll take my chances… There’s nothing to lose…. Anyways back to the internship thingy.. I might work at a cinema or a bar…. I just wish that they won’t make my 15 hours really difficult… This would be my very very first glimpse of the real world…. Going to that place was torture!! I had to commute… But that’s not the case.. It was the freaking weather… At first it was a bright sunny day but when the MRT I was riding already stopped at the Ayala Station it was already drizzling… I went to Glorietta first to check if the bookstore there had the Economics book…. Lucky me.. they had two copies on the shelf.. I was in the counter when I realized that I didn’t have my credit card (or so I thought?)… I didn’t have enough cash in my wallet.. so I left the bookstore and asked the security guards the directions going to Amorsolo (somewhere in Makati)…. At that moment, the rain was pouring hard and of all things I wouldn’t have… an umbrella! Lesson for the day: Weather in the Philippines is unpredictable so always bring umbrella!! And hell, I was wearing flats that when I walked on puddles it literally got soaked…. Poor me…. When I rode the jeepney I was wet with my Nine West backpack serving as my shield from the rain…. When I was in the jeep, I realized that I brought my credit card…. Crap… I decided that maybe I would go back to Ayala…. Talked to my tita and she said she would text me or my mom… sounds like a good sign…. Anyways I ate first at the resto and then went back to Glorietta… Thank heavens the rain stopped…. After buying the eco book I also decided to go home since it would be hassle to go back to my mom’s office…. So I went home and had a refreshing afternoon nap… I woke up at about 4pm and began doing my school work which I haven’t finished yet up to now.. So there… Ciao!

back 2 school

2004-06-22T17:47:00.000-07:00

2nd week of school

there's so much assignments to do... haven't started out on my marketing paper, eco HW and i haven't even studied for a quiz in finance tomorrow... oh great... cramming again.. i swear, last night was the most unproductive moment of my life... after eating i fell asleep! i woke up quarter to 10 and then i went back to bed... the next thing i know, it was 5am!! idleness is the devil's playground... and later when i get home i don't know how i'm going to finish 'em all.... well at least i'm finished with my finance homework... but ever since the school started, i've started becoming responsible... hahaha maybe for the first few weeks lang naman.. so far nothing really stressful has been happening yet.... i can't wait until friday cuz we only have class till 10 in the mornin'.. prolly i'm gonna rent a dvd or have a lord of the rings marathon...anyways i can't believe that my lifestyle has totally changed... my weekends would rather be spent at home than at malls.... oh well.. signs of getting old, huh? by the way, i was surfing the internet until i came across a website about language courses in china... i'm seriously considering studying in china after graduation.... ok.. in case some ppl don't know, i know how to speak and write in mandarin... but only a few words ok!! anyways.. i gotta run.. today is the start of my work!